Prettyflour here on behalf of with the critique you requested.
You know...I'm no expert on Emily Dickinson but I've read enough of her work to recognize the style. You did a nice job trying to do something similar.
What I love the most about this is the way you paused (-when asked- and -so familiarly-) in stanza one and two. It brought a cool cadence to the poem.
The length works well for me. I dig short poems. I think it's both fun and challenging to tell a story with just a few words. Overall, an enjoyable read, I truly have no constructive criticism to offer...
I hope this was helpful. Thanks and have a great day!
You emulated Emily Dickinson quite nicely with this piece. However, you seem to be mixing Free Verse and Fixed Form into the same poem, not a complaint of course, just a bit unusual.
When it comes to length I have to disagree with my colleague Michel, I think the briefness of this poem was exactly what it needed. If you made it longer it probably would have become too watered down. So well done!
Hello! I will be critiquing this for . Please keep in mind that these are merely my personal opinions. Any changes made to this piece, if you make them at all, should be what you want to do, as this is your artwork. I am only lending you a few suggestions.
First and foremost, nice work emulating the words and tone of Emily Dickinson! She's a hard poet to emulate, but you did a good job of it here. There is a natural brevity to the words that really lends a beautiful flow to this, so well done!
I'm wondering, however, about the rhyme in the last stanza. You didn't employ a rhyming technique in the first two, so that third stanza seems a bit out of place to me, as if it doesn't quite belong in this piece. I feel it would suit the mood of this piece to work the words in a way that doesn't end in a rhyme; it would keep the flow natural while retaining a bit of that ambiguous, mysterious feeling this piece sparks during a read.
I do like that there could be multiple ways to interpret the overall message/subjects of this--you might be talking about actual eyes, OR about the sun and the moon/stars. The ideas of cold and warm could be metaphors for day and night, you see? So that's lovely!
Also, I'm not sure it suits this piece for you to capitalize those words in the second stanza--while I know Emily Dickinson often capitalized words in her poems, I don't think that the capitalization here puts the right emphasis on the message in the end--it just seems a bit superfluous to me, I guess.
Nice work over all, though! I really enjoyed this read.
I must admit, when I first saw your comment I was a bit scared! But thank you very much for your critique, the only thing I'd like to say is that the capitalization in the second stanza was intended for the personification of "cold" and "unforgiving" because in... I think "Exhilaration is a Breeze" Emily does something similar. Urg, it might be "Because I could Not Stop for Death." but I can't recall ^-^" Thank you again for the kind words and taking the time to read my poem! <3
The poem is rather short and could develop but the style ad the sentiment are great, and I like your manner of expression despite. The stylistics or poetical attributes such as the lack of rhyme or meter categorizing free verse is evident here. Well-done.
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More